Man oh man do I need help. I would say that most people do. Yet, we seem to have this wall built up around us. At least I do.
Before Aaron was born, I was very closed off and proud. I had some hurts that I was holding onto and they affected how I viewed people and their intentions. I was bitter and guarded. After Aaron died and even when he was in the hospital, I was a mess. Except this time I couldn't hide it.
It was impossible to go through something as horrible as losing your child and pretend like you are fine. Because let's face it, I was not fine. I was a mess. Raw. My heart broken so much that it felt like physical pain. And needing people. People that saw me in my fragile state and said, "Yes, I will carry your burdens. Yes, I will mourn with you. Yes, I will help you." To say I was humbled would be an understatement. My whole perspective on people changed. I used to buy into the lie that no one could love me. I was too... (you fill in the blank). I thought I was written off. But I wasn't. And neither are you.
Relying on people and getting help is humbling. You have to admit to yourself that you can't do it alone. And you weren't supposed to. God gave us each other. This is a lesson I am learning: It is okay to show your "ugly" side to people. Sometimes you will run into people that feel uncomfortable in the face of your struggles. Yet, I find that most people welcome genuineness as opposed to phoniness.
Satan likes to through that lie to me often; that I'm alone. How could anyone love me? And I'll be honest sometimes I believe it (a lot more than I'd like). The amazing news is that God destroys this. He loves me. And so do people.
In the face of your struggle, being honest is a good place to start. Be honest with yourself and with others. It goes a long way to healing.
Grace and peace.
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